A Bad Situation Turns Out OK...This Time

Dad got a phone call this afternoon. Apparently the "Impeach Obama" group is seeking donations. Since Dad is a devout, died-in the wool, card carrying Republican who has donated to the party and its friends in the past.... he has a target on his back. I wasn't there, but Dad's girl overheard the conversation. The group had Dad's credit card number - I'm not sure how or why, and he agreed to their hitting him up for $175.00. As soon as his girl heard him agree to the donation she read him the riot act. She told Dad that one should never... NEVER... give money over the phone. There is no way to know who is accessing his information, who will actually benefit from the donation and what other uses they might make of the account information. She got on the phone to his credit card institution.

Then, things get interesting. There was no draft on his account in that amount. Actually, there were no charges on his card for the last 4 days. The agency suggested that Dad's card be cancelled, and a new one issued. His girl explained that he had just gotten this card and we have just changed all of his bills over to the new number. She hated the idea of going through all of that again. The clerk from the bank was able to access information from the old credit card number. He noticed that a charge of $175.00 had been charged on the card today.... and denied! Hooray!

I talked with Dad about the dangers of phone solicitations. He sounded surprised when I explained that there were all sorts of scams out there to bilk people out of their money. I told him, in the future, to suggest that the organization send him information to read, and only then might he consider a donation. But, I don't believe this will stop Dad from making a donation to a good sales pitch for a cause he believes in.

Any suggestions?

The Pain was Excruciating

Sometimes I participate in a writing challenge hosted by Jenny Matlock at Off on a Tangent. Jenny provides a prompt and sometimes a style of writing, and we are challenged to use the prompt in a post, generally of no more than 100 words plus the prompt. This week's prompt was:

The pain was excruciating...

I wanted to do something a bit different. I wanted to stay away from writing something about physical pain. Then, I thought about my father. I see my dad suffer when he knows he used to be able to do something, and has lost the capacity to recall how to do it now. The pain must be excruciating!

The old man sat hunched over his desk, swallowed by the worn sweater wrapped around his barrel chest. He stared at the computer screen in front of him, with rheumy eyes, a tear escaping and rolling down the leathery skin of his cheek. The mouse in his gnarled hand felt comforting, but images on the screen brought deep despair. He remembered that he used to work this computer. He used to know how to find things on the computer. He knew much of his life was inside the machine, but he was damned if he could get to it now. The pain was excruciating.

Visit Jenny's blog to read more responses to her Saturday Centus prompt:

Whose Job Is It?

In my last post I talked about Dad's obsession with working. Things are changing, perhaps, just a bit. Today I got a call from Dad asking if I could come over and help him. He said he just couldn't make heads or tails of the 'stuff' on his desk and he had some notes he had made that he couldn't figure out. I headed over to his place and we began going through the pile piece by piece. The first few items were mailings from charitable organizations asking for donations. Dad and I had talked about each one on the phone the night before. I have access to his bank account online, so I was able to see that he had already given each organization a donation this year. I told him to shred the document. He didn't want to because he wanted to hang on to the forms so he could make a donation to the organization next year. I told him that I was sure the folks would send another mailing in the new year. I told him to at least write that he had contributed to the organization. I gave him the date and the amount. Evidently Dad didn't remember our conversation from the night before. I went over the information with him again, and this time we did shred or throw away the donation forms.

From there we moved to a discussion about taxes. Dad wanted to put together some things, like copies of checks he had sent to charitable organizations, to send to his accountant for tax purposes. I suggested that we collect those items and send everything at year end. I did meet some resistance, but Dad finally relented and allowed me to set up a file for him to put tax documents in as he found them or as they arrived in the mail. Do you want to take bets on whether the accountant gets some things mailed to him in the next few days?!

Then Dad asked me about an email that was open on his computer. The email was from early August and the information it contained was 'water under the bridge'. Dad kept asking, "Are you sure?" Even though action had been taken on the email in August, he didn't recall that and thought he might need to do something with it now. We sifted through his inbox and I helped him delete junk, move important emails to folders and clear out the inbox. Again, I have access to his email online, so I do try to run interference from home, clearing out things that aren't important, but somehow had missed these few items. 

Dad had some questions about his Address Book on the computer. And as I was helping him sort through things he asked, "How do you know how to do all of these things?" That was such a bittersweet question as Dad used to know how to manage his email, his address book and more. 

Finally, Dad looked at me and asked if I could come and help him like this every week. He said he was just getting into a big 'mess' with everything and couldn't deal with it. Awwww, Dad, you are breaking my heart! Of course I'll help you! Today I am taking an 'in' box over to place on his desk. That will (hopefully) become the place that Dad can put things when he isn't sure what to do with them. This will become my work and I gladly accept the new assignment!

Gotta Have A Job to Do

Dad is always busy. Whenever I suggest that he go to a meeting at his community, or go with me to see some interesting event in town, he tells me he has too much to do. He says he is too busy. Husband and I sometimes shake our heads in wonderment - just what does Dad have to do?

Dad takes his 'job' very seriously. He sits at his desk for hours every day. After all, this is what he did when he worked, and work is a defining characteristic of his being. He sifts through papers. And sifts through them again. He opens old emails and clicks on things that show up on his computer screen, opening documents or navigating to sites on the Internet. He pulls files out of the cabinet and reads through papers, many of which were filed over a decade ago.

When Dad is 'working' he will often call me with a concern, based on what he has found. Today he was questioning a 'discrepancy' he noted in the sale of his condominium. Dad noted that the bottom line of the sales document showed a refund of several thousand dollars. He wanted to know if he had to pay that amount. Dad didn't sell his condo; I asked Dad to tell me the date of the sales contract. He noted that it was written on 2/15/08. I often get the feeling that Dad doesn't recognize the significance of dates any longer. He seems to consider everything as current. I suggested that the document must have been generated when Dad bought the condo, four years ago. After a discussion of why there might have been a refund due, and how that was probably handled, Dad seemed to accept that this transaction was complete.

I often wish that Dad would turn the computer off and get away from his desk. I wish he would sit down and read, or watch TV, or go for a walk. But, then, I have to think that Dad is happiest when he is working.

Best Blog - Are You Kidding?!

Hello?

Is anyone out there?

Sometimes when I post something on either of my blogs I wonder if anyone actually reads what I have written.  I am pretty quiet about this blog. I don't post very often - probably not often enough. There are so many good stories about times I have with Dad. Then there are the times I am so frustrated my eyes start to go buggy and I want to rip my hair out. But, I'll save that for another post.

Imagine my surprise when I received an email from a Tracy Rose at healthline.com, saying by blog was selected by editors as one of their 25 favorite blogs about Alzheimer's disease. My first reaction was to laugh it off as some sort of junk email, or some sort of scam. Then I checked and that web site does exist... and they did pick and list 25 blogs and yes, mine was there, along with some other blogs on the subject that I enjoy reading.

They even said the nicest things about my blog! 

I was so pleased, and surprised...

Keeping a sense of humor about the good, bad, and ugly of Alzheimer’s is no easy task. Thankfully, blogs like Driving My Dad remind caregivers of the beauty that life can still hold for everyone touched by Alzheimer’s and dementias.

If you need a quick refresher, pick-me-up, or lifeline, then Driving My Dad is the place for you. Stop by for poems, upbeat reflections on life caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s, or whatever it is you need – you are sure to find it here. Drive on, dear blogger, drive on – your readers are counting on you for a steady supply of Alzheimer’s inspiration!

So... I guess I better get the car in gear, and.... drive on!

I need to share those stories. 

They may soothe someone.

They may inspire someone.

They certainly may ease my frustrations.

Thank you, Editors, I appreciate what you are doing
to provide information to readers on all health topics.

Who's On First?

Lesson learned. Talk to Dad about one thing, and one thing only. If I have two things to discuss, wait and talk to him about the second thing later!
Today we talked about his lawyer, Frank. We also talked about his new tenant, Don. By the end of the conversation we sounded like a remake of the Abbott and Costello piece, "Who's on First?" It was confusing, for both of us!

I haven't listened to this piece for years. 

It's brilliant, simply brilliant!

Important

This week Dad called me about a two-page document he had. It came from his broker and described changes in his IRA. The word, "IMPORTANT" was prominently displayed in capital letters across the top of the document. Dad was a bit concerned about the paper and asked what he needed to do. I told him that it was probably documentation that new banking regulations require brokers to send out. I asked Dad what date was on the document. He looked around and finally found the date, April 10, 2010. Then he immediately asked, again, what he should do with it. He asked if he should send it to his financial advisor. I tried to explain that the document actually came from the company where his financial advisor works, and that, since it was over two years old, he didn't need to do a thing with the paper except throw it away. Dad could not grasp that. He kept asking about sending it to this financial advisor. He couldn't, or wouldn't, understand that the information was old information, had been sent as an "FYI" and that nothing needed to be done about it. We left it with Dad putting the document in a folder for me to look at the next time I'm at his apartment.  It seems that Dad could not understand that the document was two years old, and thus the information was 'old news'. He kept getting hung up on the word, "Important" and felt he must 'do' something with the information.